remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
