She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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