I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
