my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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