in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize