i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
