Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
