his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
