You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize