On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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