party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
