But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
