We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
These tits shall not be calmed
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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