boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
