I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You dont lie about slip and slides
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize