didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
