The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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