Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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