Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
