Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
