Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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