My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
