I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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