Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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