From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
vagina is talking i cant
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
