She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
