i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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