I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
