found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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