i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It's rum buckets o'clock
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
