Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize