You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize