if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
