My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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