no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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