i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
