Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
