fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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