Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
