Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
His nipple licking is glorious
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