Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
