the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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