My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
