It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
