I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
he fucked my hip out of place.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
