btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
