Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
