Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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