so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
