I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
