put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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