You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize