Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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