NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
