my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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