she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
