his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
