it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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