He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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