Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
