I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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