She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize