whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
