Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize