Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize