I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize