The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
