Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I still have a little drunk in my system
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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